In this particular phase of our family's life, I am eliminating many tasks and responsibilities in order to focus my best abilities on being there for my family. Spending is being pared down in our household as well. It feels good to get down to the essentials.
Though there seems to be tension between the pared-down way of living and the model of the Proverbs 31 woman, my recent reading on the subject has changed my thinking about that model.
Some people say that Proverbs 31 is a model of an ideal woman's life, not to be taken as something that a "regular" woman can do and be every day of every year of her life. A twist on this thought is the idea that the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 wife can be seen as phases in a life. In one phase, a woman is the tender mother of young children. In another phase, she weaves beautiful clothing. In another phase, she tends to a thriving small business. When thinking about ordinary lives, we realize that first, we are not perfect and cannot do everything there is to do in the world. But second, we also realize that we can't do just one thing to the exclusion of all else. Many of us are mothers, but we also keep the house and feed the family and perhaps work for pay. Some of us love to make "beautiful and useful" things, to use words from Mrs. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, but we must set aside our creations when a higher priority arises. And on and on and on. Simplifying life is necessary, but we will always have multiple roles to play.
Some people say the Proverbs 31 passage is a doting mother's advice to her son on what to look for in a perfect wife. (As the mother of sons, I admit that I would like a way-above-average wife for both of them in the future, if not a perfect one. A "Fascinating Girl!") She describes a model of virtue so that he has a picture of an amazing woman in mind as he searches for a life mate.
At this moment, I relate to the first idea of phases in a good life. I want to be fully present for my husband and young children. Now is the time to work hard at that. Young children need so much time and attention from a mother, and they recognize when they are not getting it. Husbands need time and attention, and it is especially important to carve out that time and to have energy for that attention when so many of a mother's resources are going to caring for the children. It is not a pretty picture of family life to have him be last in everyone's affections; nor is it fair. As children need less time and fewer things done for them, there is naturally more time to put to financial earning and stewardship and service to others. (Do children need less time as they get older? I have to confess I'm not sure, as mine are still young. There will come a time, though, when children strike off on their own, and in preparation, they must be given increasingly greater responsibility.)
Yet we can strive to add good practices in our lives, one at a time, as slowly as necessary. Perhaps this is a way that the Proverbs Challenge for Life can be used. I, for one, need to be reminded to take on small bits of changes rather than trying to change an entire area of my life in one week. The same thing goes for trying to change several areas at once rather than one or two at a time.
How do you read Proverbs 31? Does it seem impossible? Is it inspirational?
