Focusing on Our Husbands

It appears that I have broken one of my own rules in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life. I mentioned studying one verse per year, but I have already posted about two different verses.

Let's go back to Proverbs 31, verse 11, for a little while. The King James Bible (Cambridge edition) gives that verse as: "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

One of the ways to interpret this verse is that the husband does not have to worry for one moment about his wife. He knows that she will manage the household with no waste and raise the children in the most nurturing way. Some interpretations include the idea that he trusts she will follow all the ordinances of his religion and teach them to their children.

A fascinating wife (as depicted in Fascinating Womanhood, by Mrs. Helen Andelin) also has to trust her husband. This can be hard to do when a wife only gives her focus to her husband when there is a problem. Because it is easy to focus on the details of raising children to the exclusion of everything else, we mothers can use many reminders to give our best to our husbands.

One of the ways a wife can proactively focus on her husband in a positive way is to make and study a list of his best qualities. See this post for more.

Praying for a husband is another very effective way of focusing on him.

There are many resources for mothers seeking a spiritual life at a blog I really like called Inspired to Action. One of the resources is a daily prayer calendar for praying for your husband. It is significant that she offers a prayer calendar not only for children but also for husbands.

Is a Proverbs 31 Challenge Impossible?

In this particular phase of our family's life, I am eliminating many tasks and responsibilities in order to focus my best abilities on being there for my family. Spending is being pared down in our household as well. It feels good to get down to the essentials.

Though there seems to be tension between the pared-down way of living and the model of the Proverbs 31 woman, my recent reading on the subject has changed my thinking about that model.

Some people say that Proverbs 31 is a model of an ideal woman's life, not to be taken as something that a "regular" woman can do and be every day of every year of her life. A twist on this thought is the idea that the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 wife can be seen as phases in a life. In one phase, a woman is the tender mother of young children. In another phase, she weaves beautiful clothing. In another phase, she tends to a thriving small business. When thinking about ordinary lives, we realize that first, we are not perfect and cannot do everything there is to do in the world. But second, we also realize that we can't do just one thing to the exclusion of all else. Many of us are mothers, but we also keep the house and feed the family and perhaps work for pay. Some of us love to make "beautiful and useful" things, to use words from Mrs. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, but we must set aside our creations when a higher priority arises. And on and on and on. Simplifying life is necessary, but we will always have multiple roles to play.

Some people say the Proverbs 31 passage is a doting mother's advice to her son on what to look for in a perfect wife. (As the mother of sons, I admit that I would like a way-above-average wife for both of them in the future, if not a perfect one. A "Fascinating Girl!") She describes a model of virtue so that he has a picture of an amazing woman in mind as he searches for a life mate.

At this moment, I relate to the first idea of phases in a good life. I want to be fully present for my husband and young children. Now is the time to work hard at that. Young children need so much time and attention from a mother, and they recognize when they are not getting it. Husbands need time and attention, and it is especially important to carve out that time and to have energy for that attention when so many of a mother's resources are going to caring for the children. It is not a pretty picture of family life to have him be last in everyone's affections; nor is it fair. As children need less time and fewer things done for them, there is naturally more time to put to financial earning and stewardship and service to others. (Do children need less time as they get older? I have to confess I'm not sure, as mine are still young. There will come a time, though, when children strike off on their own, and in preparation, they must be given increasingly greater responsibility.)

Yet we can strive to add good practices in our lives, one at a time, as slowly as necessary. Perhaps this is a way that the Proverbs Challenge for Life can be used. I, for one, need to be reminded to take on small bits of changes rather than trying to change an entire area of my life in one week. The same thing goes for trying to change several areas at once rather than one or two at a time.

How do you read Proverbs 31? Does it seem impossible? Is it inspirational?

Creating a Beautiful Life

Picture taken by Lucy Lamp, flowers done by my grandmother, Kristine Lamp

I have been working on a post updating my thoughts about the Proverbs 31 woman. I hope that any readers will forgive me for length between posts and taking so much time before posting again about the Proverbs 31 Challenge. The hope is that my thinking on the subject will mature until the point that I feel ready to post it.

In the meantime, here are four things that are important to teach children, in my opinion:

1. To live life with joy and gratitude.
2. To be industrious.
3. To love beauty.
4. To love people.

One of the best overall ways to teach these things is to live them and be them yourself. Homemakers who do their utmost in the home, with a loving attitude, will be successful in doing this.

Writing this post, I am thinking of a recent Fascinating Womanhood~Alaska post in which Mrs. Helen Andelin is quoted about doing our very best in the home.

One of the most inspiring blogs I have ever found for creating beauty and routine in the home is Little Jenny Wren. She has been posting on her handcrafted Waldorf doll site more often than on her blog lately, but there are years of gorgeous archives to view.

Month 2 (Verse 12): Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

It is time to make a Month 2 goal, for anyone who is participating in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life. Please see this post for the details of this challenge.

Proverbs 31, verse 12, in the King James Bible says: "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary has some interesting thoughts about this chapter in modern words. Regarding this particular verse, it says, "She makes it her constant business to do him good."

It seems that there are two points made here. One is that she will work proactively to do him good and ensure that she does him no evil. The second point is that she will do this consistently, without stopping, for her whole life. In fact, when translated into English, it seems that she is to do this for the remainder of her life, whether or not he is still living. I may be taking this point too far. However, any children they had together would certainly still fall under her loving care, as would the care for his memory.


Working proactively to do my husband good is different from trying in a vaguer sense to "be a good wife." Trying to be a good wife is a wonderful goal. Setting myself a specific task that will benefit my husband is more likely to achieve results.

A caution I have to give myself in this area is to make sure it is something my husband would agree does him good. It should not be something that in my imagination does him good, but in real life may be something distracting, irritating, or irrelevant to him. Any step I take this month will be done in consultation with my husband.

Fascinating Womanhood is a fantastic book for showing women what things benefit their husbands - that they may not realize - and what things harm them - that again, they may not even realize.

This is clearly an ongoing challenge. It seems a bit overwhelming to constantly do a husband good (and no harm). It might be that a weekly or monthly meeting between husband and wife could help a wife tread that path. Mrs. Andelin, in her book All About Raising Children, encourages a weekly meeting like this.

Please feel free to comment with your own goals for the month, or simply to say that you have a goal for this month. As always, anyone is welcome to join in at any time. Of course anyone is free to join without publicly commenting, too.

Note: I apologize for the lateness of this post. It had been scheduled to post on a specific day, but never did.

Month 1 (Verse 11) Report: Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

Now that the last week of September is gone, it is time to report on Month 1 (Verse 11) of the Proverbs 31 Challenge here at Fascinating Ways.

For reference, this is the introductory post for the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life; this is the Month 1 (Verse 11) post which also mentions my personal goal. Anyone may join at any time where we are. As the introduction to the challenge said, this is meant to be a long-term journey and not something that is completed in a week, a month, or even a year.

From Rule #3 of the introductory post, this is an option for reporting progress toward your goal, if you wish to do so:

"The last week of each month, in response to another prompt here, post your progress toward the goal in the comments section. This can be reported in very general terms to protect the privacy of all involved. Progress can be posted in these terms if you like: Completed; Postponed; Still Working; Canceled; or Not Helpful."

I will post my own progress in the comments section.

Is It True? Is It Kind? Is It Necessary?: Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

 
"Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

I first read this series of questions on a blog post by the author Deanna Raybourn. It inspired me at the time, and I think it is helpful for my personal Proverbs 31 goal this month. The goal has to do with avoiding gossip so that my husband can trust that I will not gossip about him.

This article is a nice anecdote about the way "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" can be used with children.

Trust is the overall theme of the Proverbs 31 Challenge this month. Trust and respect for one another are intertwined. When one respects a spouse, it is easier to trust that the spouse will make decisions that will be good for both people in the relationship. But respect does not insist on that condition. Respect for another human being allows the person to make his or her own decisions whether or not someone else thinks they are good decisions.

This article about trust in a marriage lists some actions that an untrusting spouse might do, such as checking cell phones or phone records. A first step to repair the lack of trust might be to refrain from those actions, even if it means sitting on one's own hands. A second step could be journaling or talking to a trusted, wise counselor, minister, or friend about the lack of trust.

There are many snares in the everyday life of a marriage that can lead to distrust. One can easily imagine that one's husband will do a task the wrong way, or not as well as oneself might have done it, or that he will forget it altogether. Too many of these kinds of thoughts in a day does wear on the state of a relationship.

I like this other filter-question for everyday trust issues: "Which is more important? The way he does that task [or fill in any other doubt] or our love and marriage relationship?"

Month 1 (Verse 11): Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

 
It is time to make a Month 1 goal, for anyone who is participating in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life. Please see this post for the details of this challenge.

Proverbs 31, verse 11, in the King James Bible says: "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary has some interesting thoughts about this chapter in modern words.

For this month, my personal goal will focus on the idea of trust, and the related Fascinating Womanhood concept of discretion and acceptance. A fascinating woman accepts her husband, does not say anything critical that would be hurtful, and in addition, does not gossip or say critical things of others. If she did, it would imply that she might say these kind of things about her husband in the presence of others. Trust would be impaired between them.

My personal goal will be to keep from saying anything critical and to keep from gossiping during this month. If we speak about other people, I will try to be sure that everything I say is in the best interest of everyone involved.

Please feel free to comment with your own goals for the month, or simply to say that you have a goal for this month. Anyone is welcome to join in at any time.

Introduction to a Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

Many women find benefit in trying to model themselves after the words of Proverbs 31, especially verses 11-31. Fascinating Womanhood principles can align with the Proverbs 31 advice as long as a woman has enough energy, time, and resources to look after her family wonderfully well while also being very involved in the larger community.

Have you ever tried to follow the standard of the Proverbs 31 woman? Have you ever fallen short?

It can be a lifelong goal to reach this standard, not a quick commitment and task list. A cycle of revisiting and studying topics that pertain to a lifelong goal can be helpful. Mrs. Wayne Hunter, authorized Fascinating Womanhood teacher, mentioned advice that was given her: to read one chapter of Proverbs each day of the month - Proverbs 1 on the 1st of the month, Proverbs 2 on the 2nd of the month, and so on.

Blogs and websites often pose helpful challenges that inspire people to strive for a particular goal. They can be short-lived, however, once the hype wears off and the fatigue of following a new plan sets in.

Fascinating Ways will host a Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life for anyone who would like to join in. It will differ from other online challenges in targeting very long-term goals rather than trying to check off one goal per day or per week. Let's take one applicable verse per year as a long-term goal, because the journey toward each aspect of a Proverbs 31 woman could easily take a year or more.

The Rules:

1. Comment below this post to show that you are also committing to this challenge.

2. Once a month, in response to a prompt here on the Fascinating Ways blog, make a new monthly goal that relates to the verse-for-the-year.

Post a comment about the new goal, keeping it as general as necessary to feel comfortable sharing it. (For example: "I am going to bake one loaf of bread each week this month and do one other difficult task that I have decided on.")

3. The last week of each month, in response to another prompt here, post your progress toward the goal in the comments section. This can be reported in very general terms to protect the privacy of all involved.

Progress can be posted in these terms if you like: Completed; Postponed; Still Working; Canceled; or Not Helpful.

4. If enough people let me know that they would like to chat about them in more detail in a smaller, more secure setting, we can start an email group for the purpose.

5. Resources, links, or tips that pertain to the topic will be posted once a month. Please chime in with the same if you find something that fits.

6. Join in anytime! I will post my own responses either in the post or in the comments section, and whether you do it publicly or privately, feel free to use this the way it works for you (if at all).

There are three cautions to be raised here:

1.) The attitude, or spirit, in which things are done makes all the difference between genuine change and a temporary facade. To check off items on a Proverbs 31 checklist does not guarantee that a person has internalized and lived the meaning of the verses. Verses in the Bible, especially taken singly, can also be misinterpreted.

2.) Fascinating Womanhood is not religion-specific. A woman does not have to follow any specific Christian teachings in order to become a fascinating woman. The Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life should be taken at its value for each reader, which will vary for different people.

3.) I have no training in biblical studies but will look up some of the different interpretations of the verses as I post about them; for example, at bible.cc. Other opinions and thoughts are very welcome! As for every other topic, I ask that comments be courteous and relevant.