Husband and Wife Council Meetings: Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

The most recent post in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life mentioned that weekly husband-and-wife meetings could be helpful to a wife seeking to support her husband, doing him "good and not evil all the days of her life."

What would a husband-and-wife meeting look like? There is an example given in All About Raising Children, written by Mrs. Helen Andelin.

In All About Raising Children, Mrs. Andelin suggested parents hold weekly meetings between husband and wife, with no children present. Following are some of the details she mentioned about such meetings.

When to Do It:

The meeting takes place at a regularly scheduled time and day of the week. Sunday evening is mentioned as an example, and seems to work well for many families for whom Sunday is a traditional time to prepare for the coming school and work week.

What to Do During It:

During the meeting, both husband and wife can discuss plans and challenges for the family. They can also air any complaints or differences they have between them. Honest speaking and careful, objective listening allow husband and wife to come to unity while they are in private. Then they can present a united front to the children.

Why Do It?

Coming to unity should be done in private so that children don't have the unsettling feeling that no one is in charge of the family. Children should not have to worry about the topics of their parents' fights, and they should never be asked to take sides in a parents' conflict. Even if they are not asked to take sides, they will feel extremely conflicted when they are exposed to these disagreements.

These are details and suggestions given in All About Raising Children. Fascinating Womanhood, by Mrs. Helen Andelin, recommends strategies for creating a peaceful, happy home environment and setting the stage for a husband to come home to this tranquility. After the workday, she is to listen to him rather than offer advice and is not to lay her problems on him until he has had a chance to unwind and talk, if he wishes. After this has been accomplished, however, he will be more receptive to hearing about his wife's and family's needs and challenges.

Scheduling a weekly meeting allows him to get into the right frame of mind to deal with needs, challenges, plans, and communication with his spouse.

A tip for wives of men who don't like to plan a particular time for this:

Wives of men who have not set up a time for this kind of meeting can try making a nicer-than-usual dessert on the day they wish to have a council, then serving it at a time and place when they want to broach certain topics with their husbands.

It would not be a good idea to bribe him to the table with dessert and then proceed to air complaints and grievances. It might be a good time, however, to ask if he is available to talk about the issues the wife is thinking of. The topics can be prefaced with more amusing news and family plans so that the dessert is a fun event. If he is not immediately available to talk about more serious subjects, she can ask when would be a good time for him.

The first issue the wife can bring up, when he is available, is the idea that they hold a weekly council meeting. She can see what comes of that discussion while following his lead as much as possible. It is not amiss to give honest reasons why the wife thinks it would be helpful.

A wife will know her husband best and will have an idea of whether this approach would work.

Facing Income Loss

image courtesy of Bytemarks

It is tough on everyone when a husband faces job or income loss. Besides the obvious financial challenge, there is the emotional challenge. He will have emotions to deal with and so will his wife.

Here are some possible pitfalls of reacting based on emotion:

1. He or his wife may spend more money as a way of coping with negative feelings.
2. She may neglect child care and house care due to anxiety and brooding.
3. Either one may be so discouraged that they stop striving to be the best they can be in daily life.
4. Negative emotions may make parents more impatient and angry with children.
5. She may become more easily overwhelmed by clutter and disorganization in the home.
6. She may become angry and bitter with her husband, blaming the loss of income and feeling of security on him. He is likely to feel the same way about himself, or he may blame some things on his wife.

Here are some possible solutions to these problems:

1. To cope with negative feelings, husband and wife should take care to vent them with exercise, prayer, togetherness, and planning things to sell rather than buy.
2. She can make a plan to use the anxious energy on necessary tasks instead of brooding. For example, she may want to put extra energy into cleaning, organizing, or dancing and playing with her children when she starts to feel unhealthily worried. Scrubbing, wiping, polishing, dusting, and changing bed linens can be therapeutic motions when angry or anxious.
3. Husband and wife can encourage each other to put their best face on every day. Household tasks can still be done thoroughly; she can make sure to look her best and be cheerful; if job-hunting, he can be encouraged to shower, shave, and dress before beginning that work for the day.
4. Parents should try very hard to transform negative energy through exercise, prayer, etc., and use their very best parenting skills during this tough time. When they feel tempted to respond angrily to their children, they can take a breath and use the pleasantest voice they can. It might even help to hold both their children's hands in their own or to smooth their hair as they speak. A job loss is not the children's fault. Children cannot be perfect every moment of every day, and they probably sense the strain around the house. This might make them more prone to misbehavior instead of less.
5. A wife who begins to feel overwhelmed with fear and a sense of chaos can channel her emotions into organizing a garage sale. This will earn the family some extra money and help her clear the clutter that is making her feel disorganized.
6. Husband and wife should make extra efforts to be kind and loving and admiring with each other. Sincere compliments can be a balm in this time. If either one is feeling angry, they may be able to use a journal to express these feelings, or take a walk and think about them, instead of saying something that may cause long-lasting damage.
7. This is a good time for a wife to encourage her husband to analyze and implement his career dreams since he is having to start over in a way. At the same time as planning for his future career, he can be pursuing job openings and taking any work that comes up so that there is some income in the meantime.
8. If she is considering trying to get a job, she should first consider the likely increase in her current work: more time and energy saving money through things like couponing, gardening, making food from scratch, and selling items they don't need; more time providing a soothing, pleasant atmosphere in the home (without spending money); more time making decorations, linens, clothing, etc., rather than buying them, if that saves money; the work of organizing for a move, if they will have to move for a new job; and more time spent educating children (either continuing homeschooling or starting homeschooling if the children's public schooling will be interrupted, on top of preparing the children for the future, especially if there will be big changes in their lives).

This was an article I found helpful from www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com: When Your Husband Loses His Job by Mrs. Anita Koller. 

Admiration List

image courtesy of sunshinecity

It can be helpful to make a habit of reviewing and memorizing your husband's positive attributes. This is an exercise that is best begun when you want to do it least. It changes my whole attitude to my marriage and my life when I do this, and it reminds me of the very many virtues of my husband that I am sometimes in danger of forgetting.

A book in PDF form called Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood included this exercise as an assignment for a fictionalized Fascinating Womanhood course that is described in the book.

If you are interested in trying this, take a look at the longest list of positive attributes you can find. There is one at the end of Chapter Four of the book linked above, and there is one that I have also used here. Write down on a piece of paper, index card, or in a notebook each virtue that you see in your husband. Be honest and try to do it in an objective frame of mind. Banish bitterness before beginning so that you can at least start with a neutral attitude.

Many women are surprised at the length of the list of virtues that their husband possesses.

Each morning, or at a time that is good for you, review the list of his good qualities. To add strength to this exercise, begin to memorize the list in amounts that are manageable.

Fascinating Womanhood ~ Alaska Updated

image courtesy of RellyAB

This will be no surprise to most if not all of Fascinating Ways' readers, but I will mention it anyway: Fascinating Womanhood ~ Alaska is up again with new posts as well as some of the previous posts. Since October 17th, posts have been updated on a regular basis. A cause for celebration!

I Want to Be a Homemaker

 Has anyone seen or read the children's book I Want to Be a Homemaker, by Carla Greene? It was published in 1961 by Childrens Press, and the picture above is one of its illustrations.

In the book, Jane gets a new playhouse and begins to keep house with her three dolls and her dog. With her mother's help, she learns that a good homemaker is a cook, cleaner, nurse, teacher, and artist.

This is a precious book with neat, lovely illustrations (by Frances Eckart) that can influence a young girl's heart and mind. Unfortunately, there seem to be only somewhat-pricey editions available at places like Amazon.com, Ebay, and possibly others. None of them are in great condition, either. If you ever see this book, take a look! Anyone who values Mrs. Andelin's books Fascinating Womanhood, The Fascinating Girl, or All About Raising Children will enjoy it.

When I had just learned to write, my mother and I borrowed this book from the library. I liked it so much I copied it out word for word before we had to return it.

Fun tidbits about the book:

•  Part of the text opposite the illustration above is: "'You have made this little house very pretty. Your children will think it is the best place in the world,' said Mother. 'You are an artist!'" This reminds me of the "Space and Privacy" section in Chapter 1 of Mrs. Helen Andelin's book All About Raising Children.
• My copy has a sticker on the front free end paper that says, "Please remember to wash your hands before you read this book."

Month 2 (Verse 12): Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

It is time to make a Month 2 goal, for anyone who is participating in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life. Please see this post for the details of this challenge.

Proverbs 31, verse 12, in the King James Bible says: "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary has some interesting thoughts about this chapter in modern words. Regarding this particular verse, it says, "She makes it her constant business to do him good."

It seems that there are two points made here. One is that she will work proactively to do him good and ensure that she does him no evil. The second point is that she will do this consistently, without stopping, for her whole life. In fact, when translated into English, it seems that she is to do this for the remainder of her life, whether or not he is still living. I may be taking this point too far. However, any children they had together would certainly still fall under her loving care, as would the care for his memory.


Working proactively to do my husband good is different from trying in a vaguer sense to "be a good wife." Trying to be a good wife is a wonderful goal. Setting myself a specific task that will benefit my husband is more likely to achieve results.

A caution I have to give myself in this area is to make sure it is something my husband would agree does him good. It should not be something that in my imagination does him good, but in real life may be something distracting, irritating, or irrelevant to him. Any step I take this month will be done in consultation with my husband.

Fascinating Womanhood is a fantastic book for showing women what things benefit their husbands - that they may not realize - and what things harm them - that again, they may not even realize.

This is clearly an ongoing challenge. It seems a bit overwhelming to constantly do a husband good (and no harm). It might be that a weekly or monthly meeting between husband and wife could help a wife tread that path. Mrs. Andelin, in her book All About Raising Children, encourages a weekly meeting like this.

Please feel free to comment with your own goals for the month, or simply to say that you have a goal for this month. As always, anyone is welcome to join in at any time. Of course anyone is free to join without publicly commenting, too.

Note: I apologize for the lateness of this post. It had been scheduled to post on a specific day, but never did.

Models of Fascinating Womanhood

To read about a couple of interesting examples of Fascinating Womanhood from books, see this post from Oil of His Grace.

A bonus (to me) was the mention of some of my most beloved books, the Anne of Green Gables series.

The Importance of Being Whimsical

"Moody Dog" warning sign: image courtesy of Another Seb

What is being whimsical, exactly?

Here are two definitions from Google Dictionary:

1. Playfully quaint or fanciful, especially in an appealing and amusing way.
2. Acting or behaving in a capricious manner.

Sounds familiar to fans of Mrs. Helen Andelin, does it not? (See the book Fascinating Womanhood to find out more about the two sides of an ideal woman.) Playful actions often have a huge appeal for husbands. After a day full of business, details, hard work, or even boring but necessary activities, they appreciate coming home to something more lighthearted.

We might have capricious ways naturally but try to hide them or suppress them while we do the important work of keeping the home and family healthy and happy. This is a reminder to let changefulness and teasing playfulness come through in our actions sometimes.

What are some ways to do that?

• One day, wear a type of outfit you would not normally wear, especially if it is more feminine or colorful than usual.
• When you are both relaxed from daily cares, ruffle your husband's hair and say how much you like it all messed up.
• Let your husband hear you singing in the shower or at your chores.
• When you feel angry at him, really let out your inner child. Stomp your feet, pout, maybe even use a higher voice than normal to say (remember Mrs. Andelin's advice to exaggerate!) just what is the problem.
• Flowers are often perceived as whimsical - use them in any way you like. Perhaps you can fill the house with them on occasion.
  

What are some other ways to be whimsical? Please share in the comments section if you have ideas; sometimes altogether wonderful women have a hard time putting playfulness into their lives.

Additional resources:

• Fascinating Womanhood by Mrs. Helen Andelin (see "Where to Find the Books" at the top of the page for how to get a copy of this book).
• Here is a good article about how to use playfulness in communication.

A Bowl of Fruit

 Near the top right of this page, there is a picture of a bowl of fruit, similar to the one in the picture above. A bowl of fruit is an apt symbol for a fascinating woman, in some ways:

• Both can be cheerful-looking and picturesque.
• Both can give pleasure.
• Both can enhance people's health.
• There is the "fruitful" metaphor in regard to having children.
• A home is better for having one in it!

What do you think? Are there other comparisons to be made? 

Month 1 (Verse 11) Report: Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

Now that the last week of September is gone, it is time to report on Month 1 (Verse 11) of the Proverbs 31 Challenge here at Fascinating Ways.

For reference, this is the introductory post for the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life; this is the Month 1 (Verse 11) post which also mentions my personal goal. Anyone may join at any time where we are. As the introduction to the challenge said, this is meant to be a long-term journey and not something that is completed in a week, a month, or even a year.

From Rule #3 of the introductory post, this is an option for reporting progress toward your goal, if you wish to do so:

"The last week of each month, in response to another prompt here, post your progress toward the goal in the comments section. This can be reported in very general terms to protect the privacy of all involved. Progress can be posted in these terms if you like: Completed; Postponed; Still Working; Canceled; or Not Helpful."

I will post my own progress in the comments section.

Is It True? Is It Kind? Is It Necessary?: Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

 
"Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

I first read this series of questions on a blog post by the author Deanna Raybourn. It inspired me at the time, and I think it is helpful for my personal Proverbs 31 goal this month. The goal has to do with avoiding gossip so that my husband can trust that I will not gossip about him.

This article is a nice anecdote about the way "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" can be used with children.

Trust is the overall theme of the Proverbs 31 Challenge this month. Trust and respect for one another are intertwined. When one respects a spouse, it is easier to trust that the spouse will make decisions that will be good for both people in the relationship. But respect does not insist on that condition. Respect for another human being allows the person to make his or her own decisions whether or not someone else thinks they are good decisions.

This article about trust in a marriage lists some actions that an untrusting spouse might do, such as checking cell phones or phone records. A first step to repair the lack of trust might be to refrain from those actions, even if it means sitting on one's own hands. A second step could be journaling or talking to a trusted, wise counselor, minister, or friend about the lack of trust.

There are many snares in the everyday life of a marriage that can lead to distrust. One can easily imagine that one's husband will do a task the wrong way, or not as well as oneself might have done it, or that he will forget it altogether. Too many of these kinds of thoughts in a day does wear on the state of a relationship.

I like this other filter-question for everyday trust issues: "Which is more important? The way he does that task [or fill in any other doubt] or our love and marriage relationship?"

Fascinating Womanhood on Television Today

I just saw Fascinating Womanhood (the version with the pink and white cover: 1963) on CBS Sunday Morning.

Mo Rocca was interviewing Roseanne Barr. I did not see the segment in its entirety, so I can't say how the book came up or was introduced, but I saw him open up the book and read some excerpts such as, "Do not roar at jokes."

He said, "It seems like you do a lot of these 'don'ts'." They laughed.

Did anyone else see the segment?

The Importance of Service

Service takes us outside ourselves so that our lives are not lived inside a very narrow experience. The more engaged we become in service, the more engaged we become with life itself.

Although we do not want to stay completely within our own limited circumstances, one of the best people we can give service to is our beloved. We feel closer to, and more intimate with, those we serve.

A marriage can be like a special plant. If the plant is not watered or cared for on some days, it may not die. It may continue to look like it did before. Though its appearance is the same, it has lost some of its resilience because of the lack of attention. It will not be able to live for long without that attention and it is more vulnerable to storms or drought conditions. If it were cared for each and every day, it would have more strength to deal with challenges ahead. Rather than just appearing the same, it really would be the same healthy, growing plant.

It seems that marriage is perpetually going in one direction or the other: growing, or wilting. Every day that we give it special care, it continues to grow. Every day that we put off giving it attention, it becomes less resistant to troubles and some of the nurtured and beloved feeling slips away.

Book Review of 168 Hours

Photo by kojotomoto used under Creative Commons license

The book 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, by Laura Vanderkam, is not targeted to fascinating women, so readers here may not have read it. It is a well-written book that makes a few good points, but fascinating women will heartily disagree with its premises.

It is important to note, as Ms. Vanderkam does, that we all choose what we do with each hour of our lives. When we do not do something, it is usually not because we don't have the time. It is because we don't choose to make the time. This doesn't mean we are wrong to choose not to make the time. Ms. Vanderkam emphasizes the importance of planning a decent night's sleep, for example, which is right to do. Most people cannot do their best work when they don't sleep enough; therefore, choosing to use sleep time to do something else is not very effective.

The author's main ideas of optimizing time and outsourcing inessential tasks (mostly domestic tasks, in her book) are not fascinating-friendly. It is a purposeful and wonderful practice to plan the most important things into our schedule first, and only fit in the less important things if there is time after those most important things are scheduled. Optimizing time in that way is essential for a fulfilled life. However, to try to fit in work, work, and more work does not help a woman to become fascinating.

Several times throughout the book, Ms. Vanderkam urges her readers to outsource everything that is not a "core competency;" that is, something they can do better than anyone else can. Nurturing their own children is given as an example. It is too bad that quality time before and after work is the time she recommends that they set aside for this. A few people who like to cook are encouraged to try it once or twice a week, but otherwise, she says, it is liberating to hire someone else to cook for the family. Any domestic chore, in her view, is an unfortunate necessity that can be hired out. Laundry, organizing the home, cooking, house cleaning, choosing one's wardrobe, and child care during main working hours are all examples given of things to pay someone else to do.

First, quality time is not always best when it comes to children. Quantity time can work wonders. Time sitting around while children make mud pies can be just the time needed for a child to be comfortable voicing his or her deep concerns. Parents who "maximize" the time spent with their children by reading to them, going to museums with them, and putting them to bed are doing a few fantastic things with their children. These may make a huge difference in their children's lives. They are not, however, having enough downtime with them to truly relax in their presence and to allow things like deep thoughts to come up the way they do: slowly, inefficiently, when people are comfortable enough or off their guard.

Second, what will children of these parents learn about domestic chores? What if, sometime in the future, one of these children wants or needs to do some domestic chores on their own? They will have to start from scratch, with no knowledge of how these things are done and no memory of seeing them being done. This includes such life-sustaining basics as cooking, vacuuming, and getting clothing clean.

Third, isn't there something to be said for having done certain things with one's own hands for one's family? Is it just symbolic, or is there some deeper need being fulfilled when a mother washes dishes, mends clothing, sorts toys, and cooks dinner with her own two hands?

Perhaps some people can be the parents they yearn to be while using the optimization process shown in 168 Hours. One topic that is barely mentioned in the book is how to maintain a good marriage. There are a few sentences about trying to schedule a weekly date night with one's spouse. Another sentence mentions that, of course, one's spouse might "sabotage" these weekly date nights by insisting he needs to work during those hours. Who can blame him when the rest of the spouse's time is organized around being able to work more so that there is plenty of money to outsource all the tasks that need to be done at home? Besides the argument that quality time is not enough for children - they absolutely need quantity time, too - there is this objection: Especially in a marriage, there are some other things in the home that should never be outsourced.

One can live any kind of life using the process in 168 Hours. Ms. Vanderkam has free time management spreadsheets available for download at her 168 Hours website. Anyone can track the way she spends her time using these spreadsheets. Then she can make decisions and plan her time based on her own deep values. I do think that fascinating women will disagree with a lot of Ms. Vanderkam's examples of how to optimize their time.

The Role of Religion in Fascinating Womanhood

Image courtesy of loop_oh, under Creative Commons license

Mrs. Andelin wrote that Fascinating Womanhood was "for women of all faiths." It was not meant to uphold any one denomination or religion but to uphold a way of living and thinking that she believed to be the key to successful marriage. On the official Fascinating Womanhood website, under Past Months and Questions and Answers, March 2002, she said: "I wrote FW to all women everywhere, regardless of their beliefs."

One may get a sense from her writings that she herself had great faith and that she thought it was extremely important, to put it mildly. However, in her advice to readers asking about church and religion issues, she did not say that they should put church above everything else. She was quite clear that the husband should be the spiritual leader of the family. Often, there were questions from readers asking what to do if the husband did not spiritually lead the family, did not have religious faith, or led the family in what the wife considered to be the wrong direction.

Reading her answers on the Fascinating Womanhood website, we see at least three categories of answers.

1: Who Takes the Responsibility?

In this area as in other areas of leadership, the woman should not "pick up the bucket" of responsibility because her husband will then "set it down." This is something to seriously consider in the area of a family's spiritual life.

She counseled women in some circumstances who had strong religious practices or beliefs - different from what their husbands decided for their families - to follow their husbands even at great cost. If the husband, for example, decides that they will not give money to the church, his wife should abide by his decision.

Regarding a husband's decision to leave a particular church that was important to a woman, Mrs. Andelin said: "If you can build a truly loving, happy marriage with happy children you can be happy anywhere."

2: Respect Religious Freedom

Each person has religious freedom that should be respected. The husband, if he believes things the woman doesn't agree with, practices his religion differently than the woman believes right, or has a lack of spiritual belief, has the right to believe, do, and have these things no matter what the woman's opinion.

Women may have their own religious beliefs and attend church even when the husband does not. When it does not conflict with the husband's leadership, church attendance and religious beliefs can be incredible sources of strength, love, and hope.

Many readers of Fascinating Womanhood are Christian or devout believers of another faith. One reader asked if Fascinating Womanhood applied to her as a non-believer. In Mrs. Andelin's words, from the same source as above: "They, however, should recognize and respect your right to believe differently."

On the other hand, she repeatedly advised turning to the Holy Spirit, to God, to church, to prayer, to sacred music when women were having difficulties in their lives.

3: Try Making Him Happy

On more than one occasion, she also said things like, "Instead of making him over, try making him happy." She did not believe that a woman would fall away from God by following her husband's leadership or preferences instead of her own.

The principles here are to ask advice rather than taking a stand on religious practices, to accept him rather than trying to change him, to allow him his freedom of belief and behavior, and to put him first rather than second, third, or even lower down in importance.

Dear Readers

Dear Readers and Fascinating Women,

I am afraid there won't be a new post for the blog for about a week while my family deals with an accidental injury to a family member. Thank you so much for understanding, and I will see you here soon.

Sincerely,
Kristy

Month 1 (Verse 11): Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

 
It is time to make a Month 1 goal, for anyone who is participating in the Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life. Please see this post for the details of this challenge.

Proverbs 31, verse 11, in the King James Bible says: "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary has some interesting thoughts about this chapter in modern words.

For this month, my personal goal will focus on the idea of trust, and the related Fascinating Womanhood concept of discretion and acceptance. A fascinating woman accepts her husband, does not say anything critical that would be hurtful, and in addition, does not gossip or say critical things of others. If she did, it would imply that she might say these kind of things about her husband in the presence of others. Trust would be impaired between them.

My personal goal will be to keep from saying anything critical and to keep from gossiping during this month. If we speak about other people, I will try to be sure that everything I say is in the best interest of everyone involved.

Please feel free to comment with your own goals for the month, or simply to say that you have a goal for this month. Anyone is welcome to join in at any time.

All About Raising Children Review

 

The title of the book All About Raising Children, by Mrs. Helen Andelin, promises a lot. How could one book encompass everything about raising children?

There is, of course, a vast databank of information that a parent acquires while learning, day by day (sometimes hour by hour), how to care for their children. Assuming that parents have this huge bank of detailed and specific knowledge they have learned from raising their children, this book delivers on the promise of the title.

All About Raising Children covers educational philosophy and curriculum, care and breastfeeding of infants, behavior training from toddlers on up, instilling values, and an elegant framework that allows parents to gradually give more and more responsibility to their children as the children grow and learn. There is even a chapter on married adult children.

The Table of Contents is clear and helpful. Instead of an index, at the back of the book is a more detailed reference outline of the chapters. Although I wanted an index a couple of times while reading the book, I found the reference outline worked well to point me in the right direction.

Mrs. Andelin’s wisdom is staggering. She found and promoted a rewarding path for married women to follow in her book Fascinating Womanhood; this book about raising children includes just as much depth and even more breadth and practical tips.

Even the behavior training concepts, which are generally the more controversial and challenging parts of parenting publications, are well-thought-out and fitting for the applicable age groups.

It will take more than a few reads or skim-throughs to take in everything this book has to offer. Every time I open it, I find another topic of immediate relevance.

These are some of the highlights: the section on “House Appreciation,” especially useful for those who have jumpy little boys; “How to Deal with Negative Emotions,” which is a way to allow children to feel how they feel but not to bother the whole family with their outbursts; “Methods of Training,” which explains when retraining is necessary and how to do it; “Promoting Good-behavior: Ages Two to Five;” “Problems in Behavior: Ages Two to Five;” “Developing the Intellect,” a whole system for reforming education as well as teaching at home; “Help Your Child Think Confidence;” and “Our Married Children.”

It was beyond the scope of this book to fully elaborate all the details of every stage of life. Parents may want supplementary books or resources on baby care, illness, and teaching the arts. There are sections called “Musical Instruments,” “Singing,” “Art,” “How to Develop Artistic Taste and Talent,” and more, but materials that provided greater depth on these subjects would be interesting and valuable for parents.

Parents who have a strong belief in other parenting methods may not agree with every practice mentioned, but in general, the sum of this book’s reason, practicality, and inspirational parenting goals will be helpful along with the other methods.

As a mother, I find All About Raising Children to be a friendly, inspirational, easy-to-read manual for one of the very most important areas of my life.

As a person who studied school counseling, I notice a few things in particular from the book that promote healthy overall development in children. The emphasis on guidance and consistent limits is one that helps all children to learn, feel secure, and have good personal habits. What sets All About Raising Children apart from some other parenting methods is its emphasis on training, retraining, and gentle yet firm guidance that allows parents to teach their children what is expected before imposing consequences.

The book strongly supports the idea that a living example is one of the most powerful teaching tools. Parents must work on the qualities they want to see in their children. This idea is backed up by educational and health research. An author named James Baldwin had it right when he said: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

Another way that All About Raising Children upholds psychological and educational research is in its ideas about expressing emotions. It is important that children be allowed to feel the emotions they feel without suppressing them; on the other hand, it is not okay nor psychologically healthy for them to use those emotions to bother or manipulate other people. An outburst of a negative emotion like sadness, anger, frustration, or annoyance is not punished in All About Raising Children. It is, however, directed and guided so that a manipulative outburst or major disturbance to the household is removed to the person’s room. The child is allowed to feel badly, but may need to express it in the safety and privacy of a separate area. This also effectively deals with tantrums because there is no audience to give the tantrum its value.

A last note on acquiring and owning the book: The only place I know of that has All About Raising Children at a reasonable price is the official Fascinating Womanhood website which was started by the author, Mrs. Andelin, and her family. Please see the tab at the top of the page, "Where to Find the Books," for more information. These copies are thick little books but light for their size. I found that the pages needed to be handled with some care. Shipping costs are reasonable through the Fascinating Womanhood website as well, and my copy came very quickly.
 

Introduction to a Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life

Many women find benefit in trying to model themselves after the words of Proverbs 31, especially verses 11-31. Fascinating Womanhood principles can align with the Proverbs 31 advice as long as a woman has enough energy, time, and resources to look after her family wonderfully well while also being very involved in the larger community.

Have you ever tried to follow the standard of the Proverbs 31 woman? Have you ever fallen short?

It can be a lifelong goal to reach this standard, not a quick commitment and task list. A cycle of revisiting and studying topics that pertain to a lifelong goal can be helpful. Mrs. Wayne Hunter, authorized Fascinating Womanhood teacher, mentioned advice that was given her: to read one chapter of Proverbs each day of the month - Proverbs 1 on the 1st of the month, Proverbs 2 on the 2nd of the month, and so on.

Blogs and websites often pose helpful challenges that inspire people to strive for a particular goal. They can be short-lived, however, once the hype wears off and the fatigue of following a new plan sets in.

Fascinating Ways will host a Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life for anyone who would like to join in. It will differ from other online challenges in targeting very long-term goals rather than trying to check off one goal per day or per week. Let's take one applicable verse per year as a long-term goal, because the journey toward each aspect of a Proverbs 31 woman could easily take a year or more.

The Rules:

1. Comment below this post to show that you are also committing to this challenge.

2. Once a month, in response to a prompt here on the Fascinating Ways blog, make a new monthly goal that relates to the verse-for-the-year.

Post a comment about the new goal, keeping it as general as necessary to feel comfortable sharing it. (For example: "I am going to bake one loaf of bread each week this month and do one other difficult task that I have decided on.")

3. The last week of each month, in response to another prompt here, post your progress toward the goal in the comments section. This can be reported in very general terms to protect the privacy of all involved.

Progress can be posted in these terms if you like: Completed; Postponed; Still Working; Canceled; or Not Helpful.

4. If enough people let me know that they would like to chat about them in more detail in a smaller, more secure setting, we can start an email group for the purpose.

5. Resources, links, or tips that pertain to the topic will be posted once a month. Please chime in with the same if you find something that fits.

6. Join in anytime! I will post my own responses either in the post or in the comments section, and whether you do it publicly or privately, feel free to use this the way it works for you (if at all).

There are three cautions to be raised here:

1.) The attitude, or spirit, in which things are done makes all the difference between genuine change and a temporary facade. To check off items on a Proverbs 31 checklist does not guarantee that a person has internalized and lived the meaning of the verses. Verses in the Bible, especially taken singly, can also be misinterpreted.

2.) Fascinating Womanhood is not religion-specific. A woman does not have to follow any specific Christian teachings in order to become a fascinating woman. The Proverbs 31 Challenge for Life should be taken at its value for each reader, which will vary for different people.

3.) I have no training in biblical studies but will look up some of the different interpretations of the verses as I post about them; for example, at bible.cc. Other opinions and thoughts are very welcome! As for every other topic, I ask that comments be courteous and relevant.

Welcome to Fascinating Womanhood~Alaska Readers

Welcome to all readers coming here from Fascinating Womanhood~Alaska! I was saddened to hear the blog would not be continuing and would love to hear from any of you who have benefited from Mrs. Hunter's knowledge of and devotion to Fascinating Womanhood.

Please feel free to leave courteous comments about what you would like to see posted on this blog or anything else relevant and appropriate.

Let us explore together the fascinating ways that can bring us further down the path to total fascinating womanhood.

"Satisfied with the Crumbs"

In Fascinating Womanhood, Mrs. Helen Andelin notes that most married people are "satisfied with the crumbs from the table," not knowing that there is a full marital banquet available to them.

People are doing pretty well these days to say that they don't argue (much) and remain faithful to each other. But how well is pretty well? Comparing themselves to other couples, they may seem to be doing great. Comparing makes for a relative standard, though; it doesn't guarantee any kind of quality.

This is what eating the crumbs looks like: Being relatively happy, avoiding noticeable problems, and sometimes laughing together. Not doing even as well as that might be compared to slowly starving to death.

Can we imagine something better? Can we picture the whole banquet laid out on the table? Picturing something more than crumbs may be the first step.

What is the banquet like?

In relationship, it includes adoration. It includes acceptance of the husband as he is, but also a cherishing of him as a real person and a protecting, adoring partner in this world. It includes a feeling of being soul mates or two people who were meant for each other. It allows each person to feel as if they have a sacred role to play in the relationship; as if no one else could do or would ever be allowed to do what each does for the other. It has a feeling of eternity about it.

Sometimes these things can only be known by glimpses. It is hard to find role models of this type of relationship, but it can often be recognized when it is seen. We may all have at least one relationship in mind that appears to be more inspired, more devoted than other marriages.

It is also hard to find examples of this type of relationship in media. Movies and TV shows are more often characterized by disrespectful interactions than respectful ones. (In the comments section, please leave any examples that you can think of that show such a relationship.)

Mrs. Andelin pointed to Emma and Scarecrow and Mrs. King as examples, among others. The overarching message of Fascinating Womanhood, however, is that it must be lived. Each day it must be lived in all aspects or the banquet will not appear.

Are Fascinating Women Like Stepford Wives?

It depends on the definitions of the two terms. The first term, fascinating woman, in this context refers to a woman who is studying and applying the whole of Mrs. Helen Andelin’s book Fascinating Womanhood. She is not picking and choosing parts from it but is endeavoring to apply it all with a right spirit, the spirit of truly admiring, appreciating, adoring, and respecting her husband.

People have used the term Stepford wife with many different meanings. Some use it to refer to perfect-looking wives who obviously spend a lot of time on beauty, fitness, and the appearance of their home and family. Some use it to mean the above, plus a total submission to men, firstly the husband but also an attitude and spirit of subservience to all men and boys.

There is a tendency for people interested in the topic of being a Stepford wife to think of it as an appealing game. Some may want to look the part more than anything else, and some may want a formula to follow that tells them just what to listen to, read, watch, say, buy, and do at different hours of the day and night.

Fascinating Womanhood emphasizes a balance between ideal spiritual characteristics and ideal human (or feminine, or even flirtatious) characteristics to become the kind of wife a husband needs. The transformation into a fascinating woman brings a wife and her husband together in the true, idyllic love that most people yearn for but do not have. Not only physical work but also spiritual or character work goes into this process.

Many of the particulars of trying to live according to Fascinating Womanhood and trying to live like a Stepford wife complement each other. Fascinating women work on their appearance as one part of a whole ideal, while Stepford wives have almost a rule book to follow in terms of appearance. Stepford wives must be submissive to men (unless they are only trying to become a Stepford wife in outward appearance), and fascinating women respond to and encourage the authority of their husbands.

In fact, a fascinating woman and a Stepford wife can be very similar to each other and have many of the same goals. Both put their marriage first.

The final rule for whether a person is following Mrs. Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood principles is whether she puts her whole heart, attitude, and mind toward them or simply tries to follow a list of attributes and tasks.

There is much more to say about the comparisons and contrasts between fascinating women and Stepford wives that will be continued in other posts.